


All I Ever Do Is Run

by Fallenstar126



Category: Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek & Paul/Levenson
Genre: Anxiety Disorder, Gen, Ghost Connor, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Sad Boys™, is that a thing to tag idk like evan is in it so it's obviously there
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-08
Updated: 2017-04-08
Packaged: 2018-10-16 07:13:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,018
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10566258
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fallenstar126/pseuds/Fallenstar126
Summary: Connor, who was the cause of this whole mess, had been following him since his parents had confronted Evan about the letter they had found in his pocket the night he… passed. Evan didn’t know what made Connor’s ghost latch onto him, but he hadn’t been able to shake him since that day. Usually, it was fine, but there were days when Connor wasn’t up to pretending to be pleased to be around him. Today seemed to be one of those days.Alternative Title: In Which Connor Wants To Be Forgotten





	

“Do you ever think about what you’re doing?” Was the first thing Evan heard when he managed to break away from the overwhelming crowd of people trying to talk to him, and found a quiet place to hid. His head whipped around until he realized who it was. 

Connor, who was the cause of this whole mess, had been following him since his parents had confronted Evan about the letter they had found in his pocket the night he… passed. Evan didn’t know what made Connor’s ghost latch onto him, but he hadn’t been able to shake him since that day. Usually, it was fine, but there were days when Connor wasn’t up to pretending to be pleased to be around him. Today seemed to be one of those days

“What do you mean?” Evan asked quietly, not wanting to catch the attention of the people he had just escaped. He was still breathing quickly from the panic that was clawing at his throat the whole time he was on stage, and the mass of people crowding around him after. 

“I mean, do you ever consider the things that you say may have an effect on me?” Connor had fixed him with a cold stare from across the hall, dark bags under his eyes even more evident in the harsh school light. He seemed more exhausted than usual. “What all this bullshit means?” 

“It’s not bullshit, Connor. I’m doing this so that people remember you.” Evan tried to explain, but as the words came out of his mouth, he knew that it was mostly lies. He didn’t want to have to talk during the assembly, but had been forced into it at the last second. He couldn’t even remember what he had said during the assembly, with the voices of anxiety grasping his mind. 

“What if I don’t want people to actually remember me?” Connor snapped, obviously frustrated. Evan curled into himself involuntarily, scratching his nails on the pockets of his jeans as a distraction. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to yell. What I meant…” Connor paused to take a breath he didn’t really need. “I hate hearing people talk about me.” He took a step closer to Evan, who tried not to move as the cold presence approached him. 

“But that’s good, isn’t it?” Evan questioned, more to himself than anything. He risked a look up at the figure in front of him. He looked the same as the first, and last time Evan had met him when he was alive, but off. It made Evan uncomfortable if he stared too long, but sometimes it was hard to look away. Something about the figure made him freeze, and he was stuck, eyes wide, staring at the figure in front of him. 

“No. Not these people.” Connor sneered. “I didn’t give a shit about them, they didn’t give a shit about me. They still don’t, they just don’t want to look like assholes in front of the whole school, who is also putting up a front about knowing me.” Evan managed to tear his eyes away, and started at the stark white cast on his arm, with large black block letters spelling out CONNOR. He couldn’t argue. If he had just grabbed his paper from the printer before Connor had seen it, they wouldn’t be in this situation. He also wouldn’t have known who Connor was. 

“Connor, you’re making people feel something.” Evan tried to put his thoughts into words, but he had always struggled, Connor only barely held back a harsh laugh. “I mean, you’re making people feel less alone.” 

“Do you think that matters to me? I’m stuck here, because you keep fucking talking about me!” He yelled, slamming his fist against a locker. When it didn’t make a sound, it made him more frustrated. “You couldn’t just fucking let me go, you made this whole ‘Connor Project’ bullshit because my parents forced you into a lie, and now I don’t even know what of me is real anymore with all these fucking stories.” Evan just stared at the boots now making a line across the hall, back and forth, back and forth. There was dirt on the back of the heel, and for some reason, he became so focused on that patch of dirt. 

He wondered where he had gotten dirt on his boots, maybe at the orchard?

No, that was a part of the story. Real Connor hadn’t been to the orchard since he was little. Evan closed his eyes, and tried to focus on his breathing. He was getting panicked again, and if he broke down in the school hallway, that wouldn’t either of them. 

When he opened his eyes again, Connor was sitting on the floor across the hall, hands bunching his hair up in his fists. As if sensing he was being watched, the figure looked up, staring Evan down. He looked defeated. 

“I’m just so tired, Evan.” His voice was broken, more quiet than Evan had ever heard. “You have to realize, I’m dead for a reason. I wasn’t murdered, it wasn’t an accident. I was already tired from just living, but now I’m stuck here because everyone keeps pretending to care about me.” 

“I’m sorry.” 

“Evan, no-”

“No, I’m sorry. I… I should have just told you parents. You have to understand, I tried, they just-” Connor cut him off, nodding with a scoff. 

“They didn’t listen to you. I know the feeling.” Evan felt a sharp pain in his heart at that particular comment, biting the inside of his mouth to stop from showing any emotion about that. Instead, he walked across the hall, and slid to the floor beside Connor. 

They sat in silence for what felt like hour, until Connor looked up with a sniff, staring down the hall. They could still hear the sounds of people in the assembly. 

“I don’t want to hear anymore of this, can we please leave?” He asked quietly, and Evan just nodded wordlessly. He didn’t know what to say anymore. 

He never thought that it would go this far.

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this in like a half hour at 1 am after getting home from a drama festival, so I don't honestly know what happened. I do really love this musical, and think I might maybe write more for it, if I get the time. 
> 
> Talk to me on tumblr about DEH @canadianpsxcho and let me know if you'd be interested in more short stories like this!!! I really kind of fell in love with the idea that Connor comes back as a ghost that's attached to Evan.
> 
> I am putting myself through college rn, so if you have a spare few dollars, maybe toss me a couple bucks for a coffee! http://ko-fi.com/humanwreakage


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